Top Ten Inspirations For Than Next Design Project

Posted: July 23rd, 2009

It’s not always easy coming up with a new design, whether it be for a new logo or website. So here are the ten best inspirations to help you save some time and get rolling:

10. A couple of joints, some more Haagen Daz.

9. Sit, stare at screen, Wait, oh… nope.

8. Close your eyes and recall those childhood memories of drawing masterpieces with crayons.

7. If the above didn’t work, just have your kids draw out a rough sketch.

6. Hmmm… what would Picasso do if he were me?

5. Tap into the pain of the hangover.

4. Watch a marathon of Dragon Ball Z DVDs. Revisit #10.

3. Maybe try that crowdsourcing thing that’s going around in the news these days.

2. Just this one more nap ought to do.

1. Aw screw it, just rip off the other website you keep looking back on.

Top Ten Signs A Freelancer Needs A Vacation

Posted: July 8th, 2009

Sometimes freelancers have a hard time putting aside their work, ditching the laptop and leaving the city for a little R & R. Here are ten signs that they just might have put the vacation off a bit too long:

10. You had to check the Wikipedia for it’s definition.

9. You just finished paying for the last one.

8. You have a deep attachment to your clients and would never leave them under any circumstances.

7. Your idea of time off is stepping away from the computer.

6. Spammers stop sending you timeshare offers.

5. You get excited whenever you see daylight again.

4. Local tweetups just aren’t doing it for you anymore.

3. Your Windows computer gives you nothing but a blue screen, reminding you of blue skies and crystal blue water somewhere you have never been before.

2. Your boss keeps telling you NO!

1. It’s Wednesday already.

Top Ten Secrets of Being The Best Freelancer of The Bunch

Posted: June 25th, 2009

Ever wonder what makes the best of the best freelancers tick? Well grab a pen and paper and take note of the ten best kept secrets of the best freelancers.

10. They are good at hogging all the good job board projects.

9. Most likely some kind of pact with the devil.

8. Nothing out of the ordinary… just avoiding sunlight, garlic and silver bullets.

7. They can miraculous extend the day to 28 hours to get a little more work in.

6. They drink strong coffee with cream and a spoon or two of speed.

5. They usually have a side income giving “Thai” massages.

4. A strong commitment to having no life outside of work.

3. They can afford to pay some sap to do their work for them.

2. They didn’t quite get the memo on the bad economy.

1. Hmmm, they actually work.

Top Ten Reasons Why Freelancers Freelance

Posted: June 17th, 2009

If you freelance, have you ever stopped and wondered why the hell you are in the first place? Yeah, me too on occasion. So here we have the top ten reasons we freelance so maybe you can find one and put it to rest:

10. You now get to put CEO title in email signatures.

9. You no longer have to sit by that same smelly dude on the bus while commuting to work.

8. You had been in an entry-level position for, oh, nine years.

7. Because freelancers have it soooooo easy. The lucky bastards.

6. You already had a water cooler at home to hang out at.

5. You prefer not to have to explain those background and credit checks done while applying to jobs.

4. You went postal at old job. Probably not wanted back.

3. You can’t get fired anymore for being on Twitter and watching porn online while working.

2. You can now go weeks on end without giving a shit about hygiene.

1. Two words: Mo’ money! What? Really? Uh… nevermind then.

Top Ten Fastest Money Makers in Freelancing

Posted: June 11th, 2009

Freelancers are always open to making the quick cash fast so we have you some of the fastest money makers.

10. Pawn off prized laptop, desk and chair. Buy cheaper laptop, desk and chair.

9. Spend a shift or two down at the IHOP stealing tips.

8. Add a shipping charge on all project deliverables.

7. Bet it all on black. Or the Lakers to win it all in six.

6. Find a contact in Nigeria to show you how that one scheme works.

5. Fuck it. Splurge for that thing in the email I keep getting about making a six figure income doing absolutely nothing.

4. Cash in that 50 pound jar of pennies.

3. Sell soul to devil. Hope a few bucks come out of it.

2. Moonlighting as a freelancer at the No Tell Motel.

1. A real job.

Top Ten Summer Vacation Plans For Freelancers

Posted: June 4th, 2009

Wow! It’s already June so time to get away from the computer screen, chill and make those vacation plans. Here are some of the better plans that are the envy of all freelancers:

10. Tweetup down at the Starbucks.

9. Go out on the town and get that Carl’s Jr/Hardees $6 burger for $3.99.

8. Head overseas to Texas.

7. Check out some package deals to the Bahamas. Stay home.

6. Go look for some daylight. Hang out in it for a little while.

5. Uhmm… define vacation.

4. Readjust back into society. Then come back home and work again.

3. Go shopping for a little RAM down at the Best Buy.

2. To see if @HOT4U is really like the photo.

1. Your shower.

Top Ten Definitions of The Freelance Dictionary

Posted: May 27th, 2009

Didn’t know freelancers had their own official dictionary, did you? Here we go with the ten best definitions from the official version:

Brief: Document containing project specifications and costs. Also what you should really put on along with a pair of pants while working.

Coffee: Second only to blood as your most vital bodily fluid.

Networking: Asking complete strangers if they can hook you up with work without explicitly asking if they can hook you up with work.

Non disclosure agreement: Like newspaper comics, one of the funniest reads you’ll ever find.

Outsourcing: Finding some poor sap to do your work for you much cheaper. Lazy bastard.

Portfolio: A compilation of the best work you were able to find on the internet.

Side income: Income made from activities other than your normal work. Gambling, Nigerian check scams and credit card fraud are common activities.

Sleep: Some swear word or something. I don’t know.

Taxes: An evil bully who steals your client payments as if they were lunch money.

Under the table: The client payments you can actually spend yourself.

Freelance Follies #2

Posted: May 19th, 2009

Sit back and have a laugh courtesy of The Freelance Rant. As always, hate mail can be deposited below.

  • What’s your choice of preferred computing? It can best explained in this grid.
  • Freelancers know a million and one ways to prepare ramen noodles, feast on frozen burritos and devour cases of pork and beans at a time. Well we can add one more cheap item to the list… “recession busting” toast.
  • Sure, you may feel like a nerd in your desk chair working hours on end. Then when the work is done, you still stay and send away your tweets to all your other nerdy friends. OK, my hand is up too. Well, there’s promising news that can help us rationalize our geeky personas.
  • Are you afraid to open another browser window and look at porn for fear others around you may happen look over your shoulder? Fear no more! Finally safe-for-work porn has come (no pun intended) into existence.
  • Become a freelancer and you can avoid being like AndrĂ©.
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