It’s that time of year again, as if those million ads you see all over the place haven’t reminded you already. Yes, back to school for the kiddies but freelancers often reminisce of those days of old. In fact, here are the top reasons we wouldn’t mind stopping by class with Mrs. Daily again.

10. Bullying kids is a little more profitable these days.

9. Could really impress other students with your Twitter follower count.

8. Might as well check back on that old teacher crush you had. You know, just to be sure.

7. Have to see in person why those damn kids are so smart nowadays.

6. Can recruit classmates to fill in on projects in exchange for candy.

5. Have to warn all the kids about the perils of getting a real job when they grow up.

4. You have excellent trade value with your stash of gourmet coffee and and Red Bull.

3. Trying to end caffeine addiction with phonics.

2. Need some new people to swoon about my iPhone to.

1. Have to warn the kids what a real nerd looks like when all grown up.

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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Some wise man once said that all rules were made to be broken (I know, cliche). It’s true though. Who ever got by as a freelancer by happily obeying the rules of the working world? Yet despite this career choice, there still always seems to be more rules to have to follow. Well, I give you permission to break these ten so you can get on with your career already.

10. Set and meet deadlines. If it doesn’t involve kidnappings, legislation or nuclear standoffs, then it really isn’t important in the grand scheme of things, is it?

9. Be attentive to your clients. Your clients are mature adults fully capable of handling themselves. So be repectful and treat them as so.

8. Quality is everything. Yeah, they say that at McDonalds but you still eat there right?

7. Always collect a 50% deposit at the beginning of any project. I’d think a 100% deposit would be better. You know you’ll be high-fiving me later.

6. Learn to just say no. Didn’t work during your teenage years. No sense in trying now.

5. Eliminate your work distractions. Spending hours on end on Twitter and checking up on Lindsey Lohan makes for a pretty dull life. See how distracting yourself with work turns out.

4. Take a vacation once in a while. Now would be a good time to go all crazy with Twitter and the Lindsey Lohan updates instead of doing something lame, like travel.

3. Keep up with your health. Live young forever. Spend day after day high on Red Bull and coffee and burning out your retinas. Kids are totally jealous of this.

2. Save money whenever possible. Well, have to keep up with the stash of Red Bull and coffee, right?

1. Always use a contract. Go with the pinky swear instead.

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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Nothing like the heat of summer. Trips, barbecue, pool time and just general fun to be had. Hell, what are you even doing here reading this? Shouldn’t you be outside enjoying yourself? I guess since you’re here, might as well read a few tips to help make it the best one to be had.

10. A real vacation is a trip to that new Starbucks all the way across town. Go ahead, spring for the Caramel Macchiato and crumb cake. Yeah, you know you deserve it.

9. Harvesting that layer of dust on your desk makes excellent tinder for campfires.

8. Always remember, when going on solo trips, let a trusted Twitter follower know when you’ll be back.

7. No one will say anything if decide to use that vacation money for that new iPhone, upgrading to a Mac or hiring an escort for a couple nights.

6. I scream, you scream, we all scream for iced tea… err, Rice Dream? Ah, whatever that is.

5. Now is a perfect time to visit that picturesque city in that foreign country where that client still hasn’t paid his invoice.

4. Hit up that neighborhood kid at his lemonade stand for a little extra work.

3. Finishing those layouts, designs and blog posts is not considered a vacation. Finishing those layouts, designs and blog posts in your inflatable kiddy pool wearing Speedos might slide as one though.

2. Remember to drink eight or more cups of coffee a day to beat dehydration.

1. Beat the heat by working naked. Oh right, nevermind.

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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As I said in my last post, taking a day off from your freelancing activities is necessary every once in a while. When you return, though, work piles up, you do this and that but there is still some unfinished business that you’ve been putting off that needs attention. The list can go on forever, but these are likely some of the most urgent.

10. Prying ass out of seat in front of computer.

9. Trading in those post-it notes for real business cards.

8. Do I need to say it? Stop procrast… ah, I’ll tell you later.

7. Just about anything that involves clients, violent screams and last week.

6. Just about anything that doesn’t involve booze, drugs, unlocking badges, hashtags and friending.

5. Maybe something about that cloud of polluting body odor above your desk.

4. Attack that coffee cup with some dish soap.

3. Go back to the job boards. Make sure there are projects available in case you decide to apply for any.

2. Sending out those 15 or so tweets on how awesome it is that you see the face of Elvis in your cereal. Oh wait, I mean work.

1. Whatever productive thing you were doing five minutes ago before reading this.

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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There’s nothing like true client relationships. Yet one second you’re riding high from the hefty paychecks and the next second, poof. Gone. Nothing left but a polite email wishing you well but your services are no longer needed. The only thing we ask is why have you done so on thee? Here are the real reasons:

10. Convinced you were cheating with other clients.

9. Knows you’re a gold digger looking out for another with more money.

8. Seems to think you have some sort of time commitment issues.

7. Couldn’t afford you any longer.

6. Saw misspelling in portfolio. Instant deal-breaker.

5. Felt you weren’t giving enough (white) space.

4. Couldn’t get over finding out about those bad porno websites you made some years back.

3. “Sorry, you’re just not working out for me.”

2. Long lost freelancer suddenly came back into the picture.

1. You never called. EVER!

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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It’s a safe bet that if you are freelancing, you are pretty good at what you do. Marketing yourself, however, is probably a whole different story. Well, here are the top ten reasons why marketing efforts don’t go as well as you like, just in case they happen to pop into your head:

10. Neighbors weren’t home.

9. 10 year layaway plan wasn’t such a great idea.

8. Damn Wal-Mart undercutting my newspaper ads!

7. Too many clients taking advantage of $1 happy hour.

6. Having trouble cashing in food stamps.

5. Maybe Facebook photos of that donkey incident in Tijuana had something to do with it.

4. Post-Christmas sale wearing out its welcome.

3. The economy. Yeah, it’s the economy’s fault!

2. No one going for free toaster with purchase.

1. Keep forgetting to leave business cards in public toilets.

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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At some point or another, freelancers contemplate going back to the jobs they left, having missed the security of steady paychecks. Did you know there are other reasons, you may not have heard of, for making a beeline to that now coveted job? Yep, these are true.

10. The need to contend for the employee-of-the-month title.

9. Freelancing plus the side gig at the Burger King wasn’t working out as you hoped.

8. Thought your old boss was actually kinda cool.

7. Access to the free coffee machine again.

6. Hourly wages rock!

5. Get to hear jokes again from the fat, smelly guy in the next cubicle.

4. You could use some new stolen software anyway.

3. You can finally stop eating ramen and raid the stale donuts and leftover birthday cake around the office.

2. Get back those medical benefits then get that nasty tumor thing looked at.

1. They wouldn’t survive a day without me anyway.

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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We like to think of freelancers as independent, honest and hard working individuals. Yeah right… we join the rest of society by committing our own crimes as well. In fact, here are the top crimes that even you (yes you) probably are guilty of:

Vandalism: That first website you created all by yourself would have to count here.

Curfew Violations: Stop working, step off of Twitter and get to bed already.

Disorderly Conduct: C’mon, look at your desk. Geez!

Money Laundering: Putting all that under-the-table cash towards that new Mac. Clever.

Insider Trading: Being nice and telling Mr Jones how to use Photoshop so he can save a couple dollars later is a real nice favor isn’t it?

Prostitution: How can you live with yourself after giving Mr Jones a website, new logo and writing all his page copy for $10? Shame on you!

Arson: Better watch out. Mr Jones has a vendetta ever since you burned that bridge some time back.

Shoplifting: Got a receipt for that new Photoshop CS4 I see there?

Murder: Killing off your real social life in cold blood so you can finally have that “other” social life on Twitter.

Tax Evasion: Bet you thought I was joking up until now, eh?

Category: The FR Ten

Tags: freelance jokes, freelancing

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