Top Ten Things I’m Highly Grateful For

Posted: January 28th, 2011

You know, I seem to find myself whining a lot… clients late on payment, damn coffee stain on my computer screen. Well, enough of that. Positivity is the key to enlightenment, and to keep from writing that nasty email for today.

10. Twitter: live proof that you’re not the only one goofing off at any point in time.

9. IE8 because, without it, I don’t think I’d have much work to do.

8. Due to the evolution of being able to give a summary of Moby Dick in 140 characters or less, emails have followed now suit.

7. Ditto for calls.

6. !important;

5. Mashable: Keeps you up-to-date on things you should keep up with but don’t really give a crap about.

4. I haven’t gone blind yet from holding the mouse too long.

3. Ending the work days watching a beautiful sunrise.

2. The best education I’ve ever had: mistakes.

1. Spending each and every day staring into a 1600 X 1200. Just as long as I’m still above ground that day.

Top Ten Reasons For a Freelancer to Expect a Lump of Coal From Santa Claus

Posted: December 23rd, 2010

Let’s see, were you a good little freelancer this year? Come on, fess up.

Yep, that’s what I thought. So here’s why Santa is making a special trip to a nearby pit mine for you.

10. You really needed something to heat your apartment with.

9. No worries… makes the perfect regift to a deadbeat client.

8. Make that a perfect weapon to use on the deadbeat client.

7. Oh, looks like that was actually a payment from the client.

6. Well, still more edible than a fruitcake from grandma.

5. You’ll be stoked to have the latest iPaperweight around.

4. Which doubles as a stress-relief tool to smash a computer screen with.

3. Might be a sign to finally stop cutting corners already.

2. Who cares… I just got a new Justin Bieber CD as a gift from Mom.

1. It’s not much different from what you get paid anyway.

Top Ten Reasons Your PC Is on The Verge Of Calling It A Career

Posted: November 19th, 2010

I’m not ashamed to admit it, I’ve used a Windows PC all my life. Sure, we like to make fun of it but often it is taken for granted for the workhorse that it is. It’s time we acknowledge its longtime use and give you some signs that it may be on its way to keeping that start button off for good.

10. Just can’t keep up anymore with those annoying little iPods.

9. Way exhausted from loading up all them heavy Photoshop files.

8. All those nasty viruses from porn site visits finally catching up with it.

7. Just had it with your grandparents using it whenever they come around.

6. Doesn’t quite share the same connection with your Twitter friends as you do.

5. That goes double for Facebook.

4. Been dying to show off for the past month that nifty blue screen.

3. It wasn’t like it didn’t notice you eagerly browsing around the Apple store.

2. Face it, they don’t make them today like they did those Windows 95 machines.

1. Going on a permanent defrag with Clippy Clippy.

Top Ten Failed Freelance Ventures

Posted: October 21st, 2010

Nearly very freelancer has tried to expand their income through some idea that runs through his mind. Unfortunately, not every one of those is a success. Here’s a list of those that didn’t make the grade so you aren’t doomed to repeat history:

10. “Teaching Photoshop to Grandpa” ebook.

9. Viagra email marketing.

8. That new alternative to Napster just got around to finishing.

7. Blackmailing friends in those Mexico photos.

6. Selling those Mexico photos.

5. Upselling a dime bag on each design template.

4. CanYouSpareSomeChangeToANeedyFreelancer.com

3. Hitting up clients for affiliate marketing campaign.

2. Trying out that “6 Figure Yearly Income Working From Home!”

1. Blogging for a 2 figure yearly income.

Top Ten Reasons a Freelancer Would Rather Be Back In Grade School

Posted: August 25th, 2010

It’s that time of year again, as if those million ads you see all over the place haven’t reminded you already. Yes, back to school for the kiddies but freelancers often reminisce of those days of old. In fact, here are the top reasons we wouldn’t mind stopping by class with Mrs. Daily again.

10. Bullying kids is a little more profitable these days.

9. Could really impress other students with your Twitter follower count.

8. Might as well check back on that old teacher crush you had. You know, just to be sure.

7. Have to see in person why those damn kids are so smart nowadays.

6. Can recruit classmates to fill in on projects in exchange for candy.

5. Have to warn all the kids about the perils of getting a real job when they grow up.

4. You have excellent trade value with your stash of gourmet coffee and and Red Bull.

3. Trying to end caffeine addiction with phonics.

2. Need some new people to swoon about my iPhone to.

1. Have to warn the kids what a real nerd looks like when all grown up.

Top Ten Freelancing Rules To Break, Just So Things Don’t Get Boring

Posted: July 26th, 2010

Some wise man once said that all rules were made to be broken (I know, cliche). It’s true though. Who ever got by as a freelancer by happily obeying the rules of the working world? Yet despite this career choice, there still always seems to be more rules to have to follow. Well, I give you permission to break these ten so you can get on with your career already.

10. Set and meet deadlines. If it doesn’t involve kidnappings, legislation or nuclear standoffs, then it really isn’t important in the grand scheme of things, is it?

9. Be attentive to your clients. Your clients are mature adults fully capable of handling themselves. So be repectful and treat them as so.

8. Quality is everything. Yeah, they say that at McDonalds but you still eat there right?

7. Always collect a 50% deposit at the beginning of any project. I’d think a 100% deposit would be better. You know you’ll be high-fiving me later.

6. Learn to just say no. Didn’t work during your teenage years. No sense in trying now.

5. Eliminate your work distractions. Spending hours on end on Twitter and checking up on Lindsey Lohan makes for a pretty dull life. See how distracting yourself with work turns out.

4. Take a vacation once in a while. Now would be a good time to go all crazy with Twitter and the Lindsey Lohan updates instead of doing something lame, like travel.

3. Keep up with your health. Live young forever. Spend day after day high on Red Bull and coffee and burning out your retinas. Kids are totally jealous of this.

2. Save money whenever possible. Well, have to keep up with the stash of Red Bull and coffee, right?

1. Always use a contract. Go with the pinky swear instead.

Top Ten Freelancing Survival Tips For Summer

Posted: July 5th, 2010

Nothing like the heat of summer. Trips, barbecue, pool time and just general fun to be had. Hell, what are you even doing here reading this? Shouldn’t you be outside enjoying yourself? I guess since you’re here, might as well read a few tips to help make it the best one to be had.

10. A real vacation is a trip to that new Starbucks all the way across town. Go ahead, spring for the Caramel Macchiato and crumb cake. Yeah, you know you deserve it.

9. Harvesting that layer of dust on your desk makes excellent tinder for campfires.

8. Always remember, when going on solo trips, let a trusted Twitter follower know when you’ll be back.

7. No one will say anything if decide to use that vacation money for that new iPhone, upgrading to a Mac or hiring an escort for a couple nights.

6. I scream, you scream, we all scream for iced tea… err, Rice Dream? Ah, whatever that is.

5. Now is a perfect time to visit that picturesque city in that foreign country where that client still hasn’t paid his invoice.

4. Hit up that neighborhood kid at his lemonade stand for a little extra work.

3. Finishing those layouts, designs and blog posts is not considered a vacation. Finishing those layouts, designs and blog posts in your inflatable kiddy pool wearing Speedos might slide as one though.

2. Remember to drink eight or more cups of coffee a day to beat dehydration.

1. Beat the heat by working naked. Oh right, nevermind.

Ten Things A Freelancer Hasn’t Gotten Around To Doing, But Probably Should

Posted: June 9th, 2010

As I said in my last post, taking a day off from your freelancing activities is necessary every once in a while. When you return, though, work piles up, you do this and that but there is still some unfinished business that you’ve been putting off that needs attention. The list can go on forever, but these are likely some of the most urgent.

10. Prying ass out of seat in front of computer.

9. Trading in those post-it notes for real business cards.

8. Do I need to say it? Stop procrast… ah, I’ll tell you later.

7. Just about anything that involves clients, violent screams and last week.

6. Just about anything that doesn’t involve booze, drugs, unlocking badges, hashtags and friending.

5. Maybe something about that cloud of polluting body odor above your desk.

4. Attack that coffee cup with some dish soap.

3. Go back to the job boards. Make sure there are projects available in case you decide to apply for any.

2. Sending out those 15 or so tweets on how awesome it is that you see the face of Elvis in your cereal. Oh wait, I mean work.

1. Whatever productive thing you were doing five minutes ago before reading this.

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