In case you haven’t heard, there is some kind of crisis going on all over the world. No one seems to have any money nor wants to spend it for some reason, either. Well, now you are presented with the top ways to fill your pockets up during this trying period.

10. Add “tax” to your invoices. They’ll never notice. Come to think of it, I should have been doing that in the first place.

9. Sell hedge funds. It worked great for some dude named Madoff!

8. Raid the “have a penny, take a penny” dishes at the 7-11s.

7. Find a Santa suit, a bell and tea kettle painted red. Sit in front of Macy’s all day.

6. Where was that place I sold plasma to in college, again?

5. Borrow a metal detector. Hit the beach!

4. Borrow skimpy dress, lipstick. Hide genitals. Hit the street!

3. Next time you see that shopping cart full of aluminum cans unattended, jack it!

2. Move to California. Pick fruit.

1. Guess I gotta sling the rock again.

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